Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Not Negotiable!

I have quality goods for people that can afford and appreciate quality. It costs what it costs. The price is not negotiable. There are no sales or bargain deals because the product is in a class by itself. Limited edition.. Top shelf.. and you will see and recognize for yourself because the proof is in the pudding. 

Truth be told, I'm not looking for anyone average to purchase these goods anyway. If you're not of a certain caliber or status quite frankly you probably won't be able to afford, appreciate or even maintain these goods. Much like buying a high end luxury car, you not only need to have the money to purchase it, but also the funds to keep it in tip top condition. Otherwise, the purchase was a watse of your resources and a disrespect to my product. But, of course, if you yourself are "top notch" and you're already used to "top notch" goods then you wouldn't consider it anything out of the ordinary. Let's face it: you dont get a lot for a little. Life doesn't even work like that. Can you go to the bar and order a bottle of  $200 champagne with the $7 it costs to buy beer? Nope not a chance... bartender would laugh in your face and might even call security.

See, I'm confident in what I possess. But I will not advertise it, over expose it or even explain to you why you would benefit from having it. Your own need or your innate desire to have quality in your life will bring YOU to me, assuming you've thought about it, prayed on it and done your research. And when you see.. you will know! These goods are not only exquisite but exclusive.. in fact.. you will never find them anywhere else.

That said, I will not dress it up as cheap, downplay it so you will buy it, nor will  I ever lower it to a price you can afford. If it's too much for you, then I suggest you go somewhere where you can get a 50% off end of season sale, a BOGO or a going out of business storewide clearance. Or maybe you can go some place where you can get you a "our version of"...  you know the knockoffs that look like it, smell like it but it really aint it. Shoot, those don't even last! But whatever works for you...

Bottom line: reassess your vision and reallign your expectations. Either get your money up or go somewhere and settle for less. And when you're ready to do business, do come again. I'll be happy to assist you, provided it isnt sold out.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Love - Or Something Like It

I've never been in love. In my whole existence on this earth I've never had the feeling of falling blindly or madly in love. I have never had that "weak in the knees, butterflies in the tummy, staring in each other's eyes, can't go to sleep because that's all you cant think about" type love.  Never experienced the kind of love that kept me on the phone all night.. that "you hang up.. no you hang up first" type love. Or even that "talking on the phone so long till we both fell asleep" type love... Never had it.

Never experienced that "Be my Valentine" type love  you know that kinda love that got him sending flowers and candy to your job to make you look like a queen and make all the other women jealous. Never had the kind of "hey baby how u doing? love, you know that "you look stressed let me ease your load" love or that "Let me take you on this vacation because you deserve it" type love. I've heard about it, I've seen my friends go through it and have even seen it in the movies. But as for me myself... never had it. Can't even say I've ever even come close to it.  I've dreamed about it, I've prayed about it. But for some unknown reason, I've never found it.

Sure I've had "love". I've had confusing love and abusive love. I've had that "I love you but I'm not in love with you" type love. I've had the "baby I love you let me hold $20" type love. And even that "I love you but I'm just not ready for a relationship" type love. I've had that "sex so good I wanna come back every night" love.. that "have my baby cuz this shit's so good I don't wanna pull out" type love. I've had circumstantial love.. that "you're such a good girl you'd be the perfect person to have a family with" type love or even that "you have such a good head on your shoulders you'd be the perfect wife" love. Or that coulda woulda shoulda type love... you know the "maybe if I had met you when I was younger" type love or the "now you left and I wished I woulda treated you better" type love. I've had all those. I've had the kinda love Jill Scott talks about, the "self serving, undeserving constantly hurting" and cheating love. And that "baby I'm sorry love"... Oh I have had TOO much of that much of it I'm sick of it, don't wanna hear it, don't wanna see it, don't even use the word sorry in a sentence if you don't wanna see the bitch in me... ok love?

But all this got me thinking like..really what is love? Does it even exist or is it a fantasy or fairy tale that's only in the movies or fictional stories? To be quite honest I can't even point out ANYBODY around me that's even in love or experiencing anything like love... or at least my idea of it. All around me I see relationships filled with cheating and lies and people staying together because they are afraid of starting over and they just don't want to deal with the unknown. I see people together for convenience or just "we've known each other so long we ain't getting no younger might as well just settle with each other" type love. And that "lets stay together for the kids" type love... I'm definitely a product of that union. I see some of my closest home girls in that "desperation" love. All around me are females clinging to men they've just met trying to feel loved or women putting up with disrespect to the third degree just to have someone they can tell the world that they "love". I see women in their 40's and 50's who've pretty much given up because they've tried so many different men but nothing seemed to pan out so its like fuck it.. "I'm old let me learn to love me" kinda love.

And  at this point love seems so elusive... so unattainable.. so hopeless.

But if there is any chance there is some kind of love fairy somewhere sprinkling fairy love dust and handing out love wishes this is all I would ask:

Give me a love that's built on FRIENDSHIP... where we can hang out and chill like homies and I can be normal and natural and not have to worry about being on my A game all the damn time for fear of turning him off. Give me that HONEST love. Tell it to me like it is... I may like it, I may not but at least if its honest I can work with it, whatever "it" is. Maybe u think my sex is wack or my breath stinks or maybe u think I could step my sexy up a notch.. whatever it is give it to me straight no chaser. Tell me so I can fix it. Don't lie to me then go outside and chase it. Give me that RESPECTFUL love. I need it.. gots to have it, this is not up for bargain, debate or compromise. Respect me as a human being first and foremost, as a woman second then as YOUR woman, third. Because if you respect me as a human being there are common courtesies you will always show me, respect me as a woman then I know you understand the makings of me and everything I come with and as your woman you wouldn't do anything to shame or violate me within the context of our relationship. Give me that LOYAL love. U know that "I'm human and might make a FEW mistakes but nothing can ever come in between or make or break what we have because I am committed to US and what we have is solid and unbreakable and nothing comes before it." I would die for this love.

And that's it. That is all I ask. I want nothing material, or superficial. Nothing based on the physical.  Just the intrinsic sincerity of someone of substance.  Keep the money, the cars and the fame. Keep all the other bulshit that comes with the cat and mouse love games. This is all the love I ask for and need. Kind fairy sprinkle some dust my way... please.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Thank YOU For Making Me A Woman

I've been listening to this song a lot lately. Its a very meaningful song and she has a great unique sound. But what is most appealing is the fact that she talks about how her negative experience in love has made her a stronger, more mature woman. And even though she is hurting she is using it to motivate her and make her better.  Let's face it, no matter how in love you are, sometimes you just have to close the door on those feelings and that man and just move on. It echoes my life.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Don't Be No Fool

So you've been with this man for more than a few years, y'all have some kids and have been doing the "family" thing for some years now. He's a trying black man but never could seem to escape his financial struggles, jobs are hard to get and lets face it it's hard out here for a black man these days. You know this, so you've been holding him down. Holding the house down, holding the kids down... being the bread winner doing it all. Lets face it you love your dude and would die for your family. Along the way you've let go of a few dreams. Singing was your passion. You could have went with your girls to that audition and got that record deal, probably would have been singing and touring and getting paid with them but you let it all go to be with your dude. Plus you had some kids and by the time you looked up from dealing with your kids, working long days and nights to pay all the bills and make a better life for your family, years have passed. Dream.. Gone. But its OK because your kids are beautiful and doing well and you got a man at home who loves you.

Or so you think.

Until one day you log onto Facebook and discover he's been seeing someone else. You confront him and he lets you know he is leaving you for his "new boo". He tells you he's bored, sex has become wack, you've gotten too fat and you just don't do it for him anymore. He doesn't want to be with you any longer. He doesn't care that you gave up everything for him. He doesn't care that you've held him down over the years.. paid all the bills while he held a few bulshit jobs here and there and couldn't really step up to the plate like a man. He doesn't care that you've been faithful to him through thick and thin and that you've tried to be everything he needed. He doesn't care that you carried his children, gave him the best gifts of his life.. loved them and took care of them. He could care less about your "common law" family.

He's done. He's in love with his new boo. She's young, got a body to die for.. she's fashionable, she loves life and she excites him. You look down and realize you've gained a few pounds. You haven't been able to shop like you used to or do your hair like you used to because you've been handling everything by yourself and the kids and the home came first. You've been too tired and stressed to get into porn star mode every night plus he's always outside always with his boys, or so he says, so when he comes crawling in at 3am, you're tired. You have work in the morning. 

But he doesn't care. He is done. He's got a lil 21yo young thing feening for him telling all of Facebook how great her new man makes her feel. He has no apologies. It's over.

Now what?

Now you fall into self pity. You think about how much you lost and how much you sacrificed. You think of all the bulshit you endured all the crap you put up with, how you struggled and labored and this is your reward. First reaction: ANGER. You see black.. then red, you go to cutting, ripping and breaking shit.. even punched him a few times but it doesn't matter he's still not staying. The anger passes and you feel sadness. The weight of it all has crashed upon you. What do you do now... well financially there is no issue you were doing it alone anyway. The kids.. what do you tell them? Especially when your son was super attached to his Daddy. But worse of all what do you do? You love this man, have loved him for years... would have done anything for him but he is gone. All your blood sweat and tears.. in vain. There is no one in your corner just you and your kids. And all you can do is cry.

But now you're bitter and angry.. mad at every black man. You try a few dates but nothing pans out because you can't let go of the hurt. Every time he comes to pick up the kids, which he barely does because he's busy living his new life, you want to kill him. But not only that every time he comes and you see his face.. you can't forget. You can't forget the good times or everything you gave up in the name of love. You can't help what you feel. There is love, there is hurt and there is anger and it has consumed your life. You've isolated your friends and family. Its just you and them bad ass kids and that's driving you even more nuts. You feel like life is over. Before him, you were going places with your life you were young beautiful and vibrant and your career was about to jump off. You used to be that same girl he comes in the car with to pick up your kids from time to time. Now everything is ruined. You've given up. You gave your all to this man and he cheated on you, broke your heart left you dry... Without even an apology. As a matter of fact in your fit of rage he gave you his middle finger. Said fuck you... just fucked up your whole life. And you sit home lonely, bitter and angry every day watching him and his new boo on Facebook just flaunting their love while you wither away in regret and self pity.

The end. Literally.

Sadly this is a lot of black women's reality... even if the circumstances aren't exactly the same. Some women get lost in the pain and just cannot bounce back. Some will actually start teaching this venom to their children when in reality they were just as responsible for ruining their own life as much as the man they were with. Whatever is your situation.. unless you were held at gun point...A man DIDN'T ruin ur life. Don't no one have control over your life but you and if you find yourself coming up short in life in ANY way due to any man's actions... that's because you relinquished your control to them.. and then its still your fault. No one to be mad at but yourself. You should have been taking care of YOU making sure YOU were happy before any man or any kids, because in order to love or take care of anyone genuinely.. you have to be the best YOU that you can be.

Self Pity is a hell of a drug and a wasted emotion. Take responsibility. Your home, your happiness, your dreams or your well being.. is nobody else's job but your own. Like Katt Williams said "its called self esteem.. esteem of your mothafuckin SELF" so a man can't mess up YOUR self esteem. It has NOTHING to do with him. YOU did that. Sure he was a jerk and will die a jerk. But that has nothing to do with you. Let him go. The worst part is after they've wreaked havoc in your life they move right along to the next victim.. or better yet they move right along to the next chick who ACTUALLY has some self respect.. who sets standards for herself and keeps her goals and vision in full focus and then treats her like a queen. The Irony.

We've all made mistakes, some of us more than others but it is NEVER too late to dust yourself off and bounce back. We've all thought we were in love. We've all gave our all to someone who was never willing or able to return it. We've all loved some no good men praying and hoping they would change knowing damn well they wouldn't.

Its OK. This how we learn. If I never did it, I couldn't have talked about it. Just know that whatever happens in life, NEVER ever lose sight of YOU and definitely NEVER love a man more than you love YOU.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

What Do You Do? (Memoirs of a Broken Heart)

What do you do when the love ends? When everything that you thought you loved knew or believed in turns out to be a lie what do you do? What do you do when the person you used to love steps out of the dark shadows of pretense? When the person you gave it all to lets you know in no uncertain terms you were just a pawn in their love game, what do you do? What do you do when your whole world is turned upside down, shaken inside out, the core falls and the foundation is shattered and you are left floating in mid air clueless wondering exactly when or where or how did you come to this point? Or more puzzling, why? What do you do? What do you do when you find yourself floating into uncertainty? Not knowing which way to go not knowing up from down nor left from right when all u can see is a maze of  darkness and confusion, what do you do?  What do you do when you know that all is lost? When you look high and lown and near and far and inside and out just trying to find a clue, WHAT DO YOU DO? What do you do when you had everything and then one day you wake up and just like that you have nothing, everything is gone everything is lost, and everyone u ever loved trusted or believed in has abandoned you. What do you do? What do you do when you cant even understand, when you cant even begin to wrap your mind around what happened much less figure out how not to make the same mistakes What do you do? What do you do when you are so messed up, so broken so tired so confused so hurt that you can’t even cry or even pray.. WHAT DO YOU DO? What do you do when all you want to do is lay there and die or maybe not die but go to sleep for a very, very long time but life and its demands and responsibilities  and its commitments and those who depend on you wont let you.. what do you do?

What do you do
Where do you even begin
How do you even know where to start
How do you even try again
How do you breathe again live again trust again or even worse how do you even fathom loving again??
When everything is cold, lifeless hopeless empty when there is nothing to dream of nothing to believe in
What do you do?
Somebody, anybody please Help Me!

Monday, September 5, 2011

Why Can't We Wear White After Labor Day?

With the Labor Day holiday here I thought long and hard about the fashion rule "no wearing white after labor day". I had always wondered where it came from, who thought of it and what was its significance. Over the years I simply followed along with everyone else not really doing any research or even questioning it. I'm from a family of black women (and men) who take fashion really seriously and any fashion faux pas was sure to get you a cited by the fashion police aka my step mom and aunts. Around four years ago I went to Georgia to spend some time with my dad and step mom, about a week after labor day, and when I pulled out my little white dress (I mean its warm in Georgia most of the year) my step mother let me know nicely I would not be walking the streets with her in no white dress after labor day. I laughed it off (we have that kind of relationship) and changed of course and made sure to never ever violate the "rule" again. But this year as I helped a friend of mine choose her West Indian Day Parade outfit this topic resurfaced. I advised her to wear an all white outfit as this would be her "last chance to wear it" until 2012. As we began discussing the issue, I did a little research.

Off the top of my head I would've thought not wearing white after labor day was a functional fashion rule. I mean... white or light colored clothing will obviously keep you cooler during the summer months and Labor Day is celebrated as the last day of summer. I also thought back to summer being the sunny, cheerful, sunshine season so white certainly seems appropriate as opposed to the darker colder days of fall and winter. According to this NY Times article switching from white or lighter clothing was symbolic of re-entry from summer to fall, where we put away one wardrobe and pull out a new one. Makes sense, but a fashion rule though? Well according to the article by the 1950's it became a hard and fast rule (along with a slew of other social rules) implemented by society's elite designed to keep those of lower social ranking segregated based on them not being knowledgeable of the rules. But even this origin has been debatable. And according to this article on the tradition only applied to white dress shoes and pumps which would make some sense in inclement weather, though any color dress shoes or pumps would not be appropriate in such conditions.

So in my search to find a reason we cannot wear white after Labor Day, I found none. At least none concrete. Seems to me this is just old fashion tradition dating back to the mid 1900's and fashion has undoubtedly evolved since then. So I say, let go of tradition and dare to be trendsetters, not followers. Wear your winter white with confidence.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Forgive to Live

My ex and I had a really bad break up. I mean really bad. So much so I was walking around angry at him and the whole world for a really, really long time. He cheated and left me and our son lost and confused. I wanted to stay angry. I wanted to hate him. and I wanted to keep the hate alive just so that every single time time he saw me or spoke to me it would be very clear I did not like him, could not stand him and could care less if he was dead or alive. Yes. It was that bad. Funny thing is, in no time, he had moved on with his life. He was happy, and dating again. He was partying and living life to the fullest and I think that made me even more angry. 

Then one day he told me, he would never date another black woman... because we are too angry. 

And boy did I lash out! I reminded him in no uncertain terms, that his less than stellar behavior had caused the demise of our relationship and our family which had caused me to be angry. How dare he call black women angry when men like him were the source of our anger.

But over time, I thought and prayed about what he said and it occurred to me that I really was angry.  It's true I was wronged. I was hurt and upset and rightfully so, but why was I holding on to the anger? He had moved on. He was happy. Was it worth it holding on to all that anger and pain only to give validation to the stereotype of the "angry black woman"? But bigger than all that, I was blocking my own blessings and getting in the way of my own happiness. I was having sleepless nights, had frequent headaches, I refused to date and I was certainly not living my life to its fullest potential so the only person I was hurting was me. By being angry I gained nothing. So I made the decision to forgive and to live.

We have to forgive. And we have to forgive people not necessarily for them but for us and our own peace of mind. One of the toughest things I had to learn was that my forgiveness was totally independent of him or anyone else changing their bad habits or even being remorseful for what they had done. But my forgiveness meant that I was releasing all that negative energy inside of me so that I could allow room for love, spiritual development  and for new possibilities to grow. I have no scientific data or statistics  to prove that if you release anger then good endorphin will flow or anything else of that nature. All I can give you is my own personal experience. And the day I decided to let go, my life changed for the better. The funny thing is now that I am living and happy and ever so sweet to my ex he is more apologetic than he has ever been. But I had to get there. Forgiveness starts with a decision but it is a process. Later I will explore how to forgive and what steps I took to get to where I am today. 

Make a decision today to let it go. Whatever it is. Live smile and be happy. After all we are black diamonds not angry black women:):):) And its kinda hard for anyone to see your value or worth when your walking around mad all the time.