So you've been with this man for more than a few years, y'all have some kids and have been doing the "family" thing for some years now. He's a trying black man but never could seem to escape his financial struggles, jobs are hard to get and lets face it it's hard out here for a black man these days. You know this, so you've been holding him down. Holding the house down, holding the kids down... being the bread winner doing it all. Lets face it you love your dude and would die for your family. Along the way you've let go of a few dreams. Singing was your passion. You could have went with your girls to that audition and got that record deal, probably would have been singing and touring and getting paid with them but you let it all go to be with your dude. Plus you had some kids and by the time you looked up from dealing with your kids, working long days and nights to pay all the bills and make a better life for your family, years have passed. Dream.. Gone. But its OK because your kids are beautiful and doing well and you got a man at home who loves you.
Or so you think.
Until one day you log onto Facebook and discover he's been seeing someone else. You confront him and he lets you know he is leaving you for his "new boo". He tells you he's bored, sex has become wack, you've gotten too fat and you just don't do it for him anymore. He doesn't want to be with you any longer. He doesn't care that you gave up everything for him. He doesn't care that you've held him down over the years.. paid all the bills while he held a few bulshit jobs here and there and couldn't really step up to the plate like a man. He doesn't care that you've been faithful to him through thick and thin and that you've tried to be everything he needed. He doesn't care that you carried his children, gave him the best gifts of his life.. loved them and took care of them. He could care less about your "common law" family.
He's done. He's in love with his new boo. She's young, got a body to die for.. she's fashionable, she loves life and she excites him. You look down and realize you've gained a few pounds. You haven't been able to shop like you used to or do your hair like you used to because you've been handling everything by yourself and the kids and the home came first. You've been too tired and stressed to get into porn star mode every night plus he's always outside always with his boys, or so he says, so when he comes crawling in at 3am, you're tired. You have work in the morning.
But he doesn't care. He is done. He's got a lil 21yo young thing feening for him telling all of Facebook how great her new man makes her feel. He has no apologies. It's over.
Now you fall into self pity. You think about how much you lost and how much you sacrificed. You think of all the bulshit you endured all the crap you put up with, how you struggled and labored and this is your reward. First reaction: ANGER. You see black.. then red, you go to cutting, ripping and breaking shit.. even punched him a few times but it doesn't matter he's still not staying. The anger passes and you feel sadness. The weight of it all has crashed upon you. What do you do now... well financially there is no issue you were doing it alone anyway. The kids.. what do you tell them? Especially when your son was super attached to his Daddy. But worse of all what do you do? You love this man, have loved him for years... would have done anything for him but he is gone. All your blood sweat and tears.. in vain. There is no one in your corner just you and your kids. And all you can do is cry.
But now you're bitter and angry.. mad at every black man. You try a few dates but nothing pans out because you can't let go of the hurt. Every time he comes to pick up the kids, which he barely does because he's busy living his new life, you want to kill him. But not only that every time he comes and you see his face.. you can't forget. You can't forget the good times or everything you gave up in the name of love. You can't help what you feel. There is love, there is hurt and there is anger and it has consumed your life. You've isolated your friends and family. Its just you and them bad ass kids and that's driving you even more nuts. You feel like life is over. Before him, you were going places with your life you were young beautiful and vibrant and your career was about to jump off. You used to be that same girl he comes in the car with to pick up your kids from time to time. Now everything is ruined. You've given up. You gave your all to this man and he cheated on you, broke your heart left you dry... Without even an apology. As a matter of fact in your fit of rage he gave you his middle finger. Said fuck you... just fucked up your whole life. And you sit home lonely, bitter and angry every day watching him and his new boo on Facebook just flaunting their love while you wither away in regret and self pity.
The end. Literally.
Sadly this is a lot of black women's reality... even if the circumstances aren't exactly the same. Some women get lost in the pain and just cannot bounce back. Some will actually start teaching this venom to their children when in reality they were just as responsible for ruining their own life as much as the man they were with. Whatever is your situation.. unless you were held at gun point...A man DIDN'T ruin ur life. Don't no one have control over your life but you and if you find yourself coming up short in life in ANY way due to any man's actions... that's because you relinquished your control to them.. and then its still your fault. No one to be mad at but yourself. You should have been taking care of YOU making sure YOU were happy before any man or any kids, because in order to love or take care of anyone genuinely.. you have to be the best YOU that you can be.
Self Pity is a hell of a drug and a wasted emotion. Take responsibility. Your home, your happiness, your dreams or your well being.. is nobody else's job but your own. Like Katt Williams said "its called self esteem.. esteem of your mothafuckin SELF" so a man can't mess up YOUR self esteem. It has NOTHING to do with him. YOU did that. Sure he was a jerk and will die a jerk. But that has nothing to do with you. Let him go. The worst part is after they've wreaked havoc in your life they move right along to the next victim.. or better yet they move right along to the next chick who ACTUALLY has some self respect.. who sets standards for herself and keeps her goals and vision in full focus and then treats her like a queen. The Irony.
We've all made mistakes, some of us more than others but it is NEVER too late to dust yourself off and bounce back. We've all thought we were in love. We've all gave our all to someone who was never willing or able to return it. We've all loved some no good men praying and hoping they would change knowing damn well they wouldn't.
Its OK. This how we learn. If I never did it, I couldn't have talked about it. Just know that whatever happens in life, NEVER ever lose sight of YOU and definitely NEVER love a man more than you love YOU.